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God... Please help me... I really need You in my life so badly now... everything is going wrong... I know I can't do this... I know I can't expect You to bless me than I believe.. I know it is not like that...Help me to trust You even when it is tough.. Even when things don't go my way... I dun wana say You give me this then I trust that You love me.. I know that is not correct... I know it but I somehow can't believe that now leh.. how?? Am I bad?? Am I a bad bad girl??
Why is it You seem to be taking away everything I felt so dear to my heart... My family, the love in my family... they were all once I was so proud of.... But now it is all gone.. there are no more sounds of laughter.. no more hugs.. no more I love yous... Where were the days where we would sit around doing our bible studies? Where were the days when I pulled out the tapes and shared on our PAPA's love? Where were the days where we sat at the dining table saying grace together? Its all gone... I know its not Your fault... How can it be? Its just that the ppl changed... But if You are so powerful and strong... Why can't You change them? Why can't You just appear to them and tell them You are God? It hurts to see my mum so angry and so sad... It hurts when my parents don't talk anymore.. But what else can I do?? I really duno what to do PAPA.. I really duno...
And then there is work...I just want to get out of this place.. But is it just my selfish desires? I once so wanted to get out of ESPN... and then I landed with this job... and managed to find so many good friends here.. But one by one.. my friends are leaving... and the motivation is no more... I always think it might be a better place out there... And I do believe so... Here.. our hard work don't get appreciated... All the management cares is money money and more money... Maybe I am not worth their caring for me... Maybe all this is just not worth it PAPA... Are we really all chasing after the wind?
I really wish sometimes.. can't all this end? I am so tired Lord.. I really am... I have to appear happy and strong in front of my parents... I have to be there for my colleagues ... I can't tell my friends who do not believe in You all these struggle becos deep down inside.. I know You are real.. And I don't want my friends not to believe in You... You know my biggest desire is always for them to believe in You... But how can I convince them if they see my Christian life in a mess right now?
You tell me its all in a different perspective... But what perspective can I see out of this? I get rejections time and time again after interviews that I start to wonder am I really that bad?
Lord... please help me.... tomorrow is another interview day... I really really want this job PAPA.. I really really want this job... I know I cannot do it on my own... But I am so scared if this time round its a NO again.. I will really go crazy... But I also know I can't use that as an excuse for You to give me this job... But what can I do PAPA? Please help me to have the faith to trust in You no matter what the outcome is... I know I love You... And I struggle in understanding if You love me now... Lord help me to trust that You love me no matter what happens...
I am really tired Lord...
Why is it You seem to be taking away everything I felt so dear to my heart... My family, the love in my family... they were all once I was so proud of.... But now it is all gone.. there are no more sounds of laughter.. no more hugs.. no more I love yous... Where were the days where we would sit around doing our bible studies? Where were the days when I pulled out the tapes and shared on our PAPA's love? Where were the days where we sat at the dining table saying grace together? Its all gone... I know its not Your fault... How can it be? Its just that the ppl changed... But if You are so powerful and strong... Why can't You change them? Why can't You just appear to them and tell them You are God? It hurts to see my mum so angry and so sad... It hurts when my parents don't talk anymore.. But what else can I do?? I really duno what to do PAPA.. I really duno...
And then there is work...I just want to get out of this place.. But is it just my selfish desires? I once so wanted to get out of ESPN... and then I landed with this job... and managed to find so many good friends here.. But one by one.. my friends are leaving... and the motivation is no more... I always think it might be a better place out there... And I do believe so... Here.. our hard work don't get appreciated... All the management cares is money money and more money... Maybe I am not worth their caring for me... Maybe all this is just not worth it PAPA... Are we really all chasing after the wind?
I really wish sometimes.. can't all this end? I am so tired Lord.. I really am... I have to appear happy and strong in front of my parents... I have to be there for my colleagues ... I can't tell my friends who do not believe in You all these struggle becos deep down inside.. I know You are real.. And I don't want my friends not to believe in You... You know my biggest desire is always for them to believe in You... But how can I convince them if they see my Christian life in a mess right now?
You tell me its all in a different perspective... But what perspective can I see out of this? I get rejections time and time again after interviews that I start to wonder am I really that bad?
Lord... please help me.... tomorrow is another interview day... I really really want this job PAPA.. I really really want this job... I know I cannot do it on my own... But I am so scared if this time round its a NO again.. I will really go crazy... But I also know I can't use that as an excuse for You to give me this job... But what can I do PAPA? Please help me to have the faith to trust in You no matter what the outcome is... I know I love You... And I struggle in understanding if You love me now... Lord help me to trust that You love me no matter what happens...
I am really tired Lord...
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