Transformation needed...
I duno whether I should look forward or should not...
I can dread that these few weeks is a torture... that a lot of changes will be made to the reports... that I will throw my temper at my boss again... that I will be the bad ayam... that I will pretend I duno how to do some work... that I will tell my boss why must they do that.. that I will throw all the reports and walk away to complain to my frens on the phone at a corner of the building...
Or....
I can look forward to that June will be over soon and all my reports will be be handed in.. I can look forward to the weekends... I can look forward to more interesting soccer matches... I can look forward to the end of this troublesome project.. I can look forward to more new job opportunities to apply for and to go for interviews and for offers..
Its a two way thing? But why am i dreading it instead of looking forward to it leh?
Sometimes I really wish God can tell me straight what to do... Sit me down.. and tell me... what to do... Its so hard PAPA to hear from you... I know I am a very stubborn person... I know I need many many talks then I will understand... I need that breakthru PAPA.. I really do... I cannot take it going round and round in circles.. only to be ending up where I started... I dun wana as well... Ppl tell me its so simple... to listen to Your Voice.. but why do i find it so difficult? God, I also duno leh.. if You tell me to stay there... Will I stay? If you tell me to leave without a job.. will i leave? I dun have that determination and courage at all..
I find it very sianz... I've known You all my life.. But why do I feel that sometimes You are just so far away... Everything seems so impossible...To get a job where I can be happy seems so far away... to get a guy who will love me for who I am and accept me the way I am seems so far away... Everything I do now seems to be wrong... Was it becos I made the wrong choice right in the beginning? Would everything be different? Would I be happier?
Lord, really... only You can cause that transformation in me... I cannot do it by myself... I really cannot... I cannot change myself... Lord... pls change me into the person You wana me to be... pls let me not 一直钻牛角尖... I dun wana go round and round in circles and end up where I was before again... I really dun wana...
Why izzit that some ppl just find it so easy to hear You.. to know what You wana them to do... why izzit that I find it so difficult.. I am so tired You know.. I am just so tired.. And I hate the current me... I hate it that I have such bad attitude and such bad temper... I hate it that I complain about this and that..
"sigh"
I can dread that these few weeks is a torture... that a lot of changes will be made to the reports... that I will throw my temper at my boss again... that I will be the bad ayam... that I will pretend I duno how to do some work... that I will tell my boss why must they do that.. that I will throw all the reports and walk away to complain to my frens on the phone at a corner of the building...
Or....
I can look forward to that June will be over soon and all my reports will be be handed in.. I can look forward to the weekends... I can look forward to more interesting soccer matches... I can look forward to the end of this troublesome project.. I can look forward to more new job opportunities to apply for and to go for interviews and for offers..
Its a two way thing? But why am i dreading it instead of looking forward to it leh?
Sometimes I really wish God can tell me straight what to do... Sit me down.. and tell me... what to do... Its so hard PAPA to hear from you... I know I am a very stubborn person... I know I need many many talks then I will understand... I need that breakthru PAPA.. I really do... I cannot take it going round and round in circles.. only to be ending up where I started... I dun wana as well... Ppl tell me its so simple... to listen to Your Voice.. but why do i find it so difficult? God, I also duno leh.. if You tell me to stay there... Will I stay? If you tell me to leave without a job.. will i leave? I dun have that determination and courage at all..
I find it very sianz... I've known You all my life.. But why do I feel that sometimes You are just so far away... Everything seems so impossible...To get a job where I can be happy seems so far away... to get a guy who will love me for who I am and accept me the way I am seems so far away... Everything I do now seems to be wrong... Was it becos I made the wrong choice right in the beginning? Would everything be different? Would I be happier?
Lord, really... only You can cause that transformation in me... I cannot do it by myself... I really cannot... I cannot change myself... Lord... pls change me into the person You wana me to be... pls let me not 一直钻牛角尖... I dun wana go round and round in circles and end up where I was before again... I really dun wana...
Why izzit that some ppl just find it so easy to hear You.. to know what You wana them to do... why izzit that I find it so difficult.. I am so tired You know.. I am just so tired.. And I hate the current me... I hate it that I have such bad attitude and such bad temper... I hate it that I complain about this and that..
"sigh"
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