It's the beginning of the work week again...
As much as I dread it... I know I have to face it... Tomolo is the start of the new work week... And I know I am going to hate it.... cos my frens are on leave... and... I have to cover her work... And its me ex-team's work... everyone tells me maybe when this is all over I will feel better.... But... deep down inside.. I know I won't.... it will never be over.... they will only say cos I know the best... Yah right.... I also took over my current team project... the previous ppl who did it know the best... we also never used that as an excuse... can say becos they are not in the co. anymore.... but we also learn on our own... do the things on our own.. cannot figure out which figure fit into which data... also all we figure out on our own.... why can't you all do that leh??
Call me 小气... call me unforgiving.... call me stupid... call me lazy... I feel I am getting from bad to worse... I feel my work is dropping and I am getting more and more careless... I feel I am getting more and more irresponsible... I feel my temper is getting from bad to worse... and I hate the current me.... that's why I so wana leave... I dun like to see the current me... I hate myself for being so unforgiving.. for holding so much grudges... for flaring up at everyone....
But is that running away from the problems? I also duno.... Maybe it is bah... but PAPA... I know I have to change my temper... I know I have to be more forgiving.. but can it be I know and I promise You I will change... and you grant me another opening elsewhere where I can implement those changes? Not here... not this place... I really dread going to work everyday... I dread facing the people I hate and yet have to pretend to smile at them just for the sake of smiling.... I reallly dread that.... I hate them I hate them I hate them... they were the ones who did not want me... then now cos they are short-handed.. they say they need my help... I can't exercise grace on them... i can't show them love anymore... I reallly can't.... And I hate myself that I can't do that when I know I should... I hate myself for being so unreasonable at times... I hate it when sometimes I feel that maybe I am in the wrong and that I am the one giving them problems... I hate it that problems are arising from every projects... I hate it that I have to stay late every day cos I cannot finish the work... I hate it when my bosses tell me I should not be so sensitive... I hate it when my bosses tell me I have to do things a certain way when I dun think it should be done that way... I hate it when my bosses changes things last minute and I have to do the change... I hate it when my bosses say cos I duno how to delegate work to others...
Most of all... I hate it that Lord I cannot hear clearly Your direction in my life.... Its either I am not hearing clearly.. or You are telling me something which I do not want to accept it as an answer....
And I hate myself.. for being so bitter at all this insignificant things when in elsewhere of the world... Ppl are suffering 100 million times more than me.... God... What is happening? What is happening to this world? Pls be with them Lord... Pls be with all those who have be so trumatised by the incident.. seeing their frens or family die in front of them... Pls be with all those waiting in anticipation for finding their love one... Pls be with all those still living but have lost all that they have... they need love and suppport... they need a hug... they need so much so much more than anyone of us here.... Pls be with all those in the rescue team.... grant them strength to press on.... grant them safety as they tread the treacherous grounds... Pls dun let this situation become worse Lord... pls Lord... pls protect them... Pls Lord...
Call me 小气... call me unforgiving.... call me stupid... call me lazy... I feel I am getting from bad to worse... I feel my work is dropping and I am getting more and more careless... I feel I am getting more and more irresponsible... I feel my temper is getting from bad to worse... and I hate the current me.... that's why I so wana leave... I dun like to see the current me... I hate myself for being so unforgiving.. for holding so much grudges... for flaring up at everyone....
But is that running away from the problems? I also duno.... Maybe it is bah... but PAPA... I know I have to change my temper... I know I have to be more forgiving.. but can it be I know and I promise You I will change... and you grant me another opening elsewhere where I can implement those changes? Not here... not this place... I really dread going to work everyday... I dread facing the people I hate and yet have to pretend to smile at them just for the sake of smiling.... I reallly dread that.... I hate them I hate them I hate them... they were the ones who did not want me... then now cos they are short-handed.. they say they need my help... I can't exercise grace on them... i can't show them love anymore... I reallly can't.... And I hate myself that I can't do that when I know I should... I hate myself for being so unreasonable at times... I hate it when sometimes I feel that maybe I am in the wrong and that I am the one giving them problems... I hate it that problems are arising from every projects... I hate it that I have to stay late every day cos I cannot finish the work... I hate it when my bosses tell me I should not be so sensitive... I hate it when my bosses tell me I have to do things a certain way when I dun think it should be done that way... I hate it when my bosses changes things last minute and I have to do the change... I hate it when my bosses say cos I duno how to delegate work to others...
Most of all... I hate it that Lord I cannot hear clearly Your direction in my life.... Its either I am not hearing clearly.. or You are telling me something which I do not want to accept it as an answer....
And I hate myself.. for being so bitter at all this insignificant things when in elsewhere of the world... Ppl are suffering 100 million times more than me.... God... What is happening? What is happening to this world? Pls be with them Lord... Pls be with all those who have be so trumatised by the incident.. seeing their frens or family die in front of them... Pls be with all those waiting in anticipation for finding their love one... Pls be with all those still living but have lost all that they have... they need love and suppport... they need a hug... they need so much so much more than anyone of us here.... Pls be with all those in the rescue team.... grant them strength to press on.... grant them safety as they tread the treacherous grounds... Pls dun let this situation become worse Lord... pls Lord... pls protect them... Pls Lord...
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